Everyday Yogini

Our bodies are faithful guides that are always giving us clues about the direction we are taking in life.  Unfortunately, since our bodies don’t communicate in words, it’s easy to miss the message in our very thought-centric society.  In Yoga class, I am often telling students to listen to their bodies.  This is more than just instruction for any physical activity, but an imperative skill that translates into living a better life. 

For instance, back in the day, when I was working in corporate accounting, I would often try to get up and practice Yoga prior to work.  I found that I often couldn’t rouse myself for that activity and, when I did, I always had a horrible, horrible day – I would feel tired and heavy, as well as VERY cranky.  At the time, I attributed it to not getting enough sleep and thought to myself, “Wow, morning Yoga and work just don’t mix, so, I will shift my Yoga practice to after work instead…” 

Complete insanity, don’t you think??

This time period popped into my head the other day and I laughed out loud – my body was sending me very clear signals that my job in accounting was the WRONG place for me.  I was able to ignore my body signals on days that I practiced Yoga after work, but on the days that I was actually present in my body before work through my Yoga practice, my body was sending a loud and resounding, “NO” to me about my career at that time.  Today, I am MUCH better at hearing the wisdom of my body barometer - I know what my body’s “yes” and “no” both feel like in my body, and I listen up and act accordingly.

The point is, that in all cases, if you follow your body barometer by moving away from activities, places, and people that your body barometer says, “No” to, and move toward activities, places, and people that your body reacts in a resounding, “Yes” to, you will find your life moving effortlessly in a positive direction.  Now, whether your social conditioning will happily go along for the ride is another story altogether!!  

What does it feel like in your body when you are engaged in something or with someone that is clearly not for you?  How about something or someone that clearly makes you happy??  Are there times that you experience these sensations in your body and ignore them? Why? Tell me about your body barometer in the comments. 

If I could give you any gift in the world, it would be the gift of mindfulness.

Trying to avoid thoughts and feelings is a useless endeavor that most of us spend a LOT of our life energy on.  It is impossible to live a gratifying, happy life that is in line with our deepest desires when we are focused so intently on pushing away perceived negative thoughts and feelings.  

This past year, as I was teaching mindfulness to a Yoga class, after we had sat in meditation for a half an hour, someone asked the question, “So is the point to have no thoughts??”  For me, and for most people I know, this is simply NOT POSSIBLE.  What IS possible is stepping back from our thoughts and emotions and simply watching them, seeing thoughts and feelings as a part of our experience without making our whole life about avoiding them or wallowing in them.  

So, what’s the point of mindfulness if it doesn’t make ”it” (insert your own) go away??  Mindfulness is not a way to stop you from feeling or thinking. However, it does provide a way to live without extra struggle, fundamentally changing your relationship with painful thoughts and feelings in such a way that they’re no longer a problem.

By incorporating a practice of “doing nothing” for 10 - 15 minutes per day, we learn a valuable lesson.   Noticing our thoughts come and go, like clouds across a blue sky, the obvious question is, “Who is watching my thoughts?”  Well, YOU are - the deepest, wisest, most perfect part of you.  That core of wisdom that has every answer you will ever need to live exactly the life you are meant to live.  By learning to step back from the thinking mind, we are given the gift of ourselves. 

By accessing this part of ourselves, we make choices that move us towards our highest purpose and true happiness. What could be more important than that?

The benefits far exceed the investment of your time - to read more, Psychology Today has an excellent article on the science behind the benefits of meditation.

If you don’t have a practice now, but would like to get started, Audiodharma has a great (free) introductory series of talks on meditation. If that doesn’t appeal to you, just do nothing. Seriously. Sit down, with you and yourself for 10 - 15 minutes every day. Bring your attention to the rising and the falling of the breath and, as thoughts come up, just watch them - maybe even label them, “thinking”, and go back to the breath. Over and over, for 10 minutes, return to the breath. When you find that you have become lost in your thoughts (you will), kindly return to the breath.

For those of you who do you have a daily practice of doing nothing (aka: mindfulness), how has it impacted the way you live your life? Tell me in the comments.

It’s been a while since I’ve written a gatha, and in fact, this isn’t a new one. I’ve been going back through my idea books (notebooks that I keep with my ideas for just about everything) and culling the ideas that are still exciting and fresh. I came across this gatha, and oddly enough, I never published it here.

May anyone who is starting something new find comfort and calm - I often find that the energy of change makes me feel a bit impatient and frantic. This gatha has calmed me down considerably over the last few days…

When embarking on any long journey,
I vow with all Beings,
To enjoy where I am in this moment,
And travel one step at a time.

Thank you so much for your feedback on naming my coaching practice!  I am still rolling over the name aspect in my mind and I will let you all know when I have decided.  But for now, back to our regularly scheduled programming…

Me?  Impatient?  Come on…. hurry up!

Impatience is completely different from Art Boxes and Brushes.  Those types of situations are discrete and fixable in one sweet moment of clarity, whereas being impatient and a bit obsessed with being on time (in a country of perpetual lateness) is a condition of the mind.  Please don’t leave with the impression that this is a one time situation for my family that is now FIXED- this happens ALL THE TIME in some form or fashion.  The only difference is that I am learning, slowly, to be not quite so insane after this particular morning that I am about to share with you.  

Mornings can be rough at our house.  Depending on what time Clara wakes up, we are either a. rushed or b. super rushed.  From the Moms I’ve talked with, this is pretty typical.  And not fun for anyone.  

On the particular morning I have in mind, which was like any other, Clara and I were running on time, which felt late to me (as is usual). Clara was, in four year old fashion, dawdling while she got dressed and ready for the day, finally, putting her shoes on very sloooowwwwwlllllyyyy. It was all I could do not to put the darn shoes on her myself, but, I was still very much keeping my cool. As we made our way out the door, I was now feeling late with a capital “L”. Clara decided that is was a good morning to take the stairs on her bottom, which is a fun, but very, very slow (and annoying for me) way for her to go downstairs.

In an effort to get Clara to move faster, I barked (that really is what I did, as much as it makes me cringe) at her to stand up and walk down the stairs, emphasizing that we ARE LATE and MUST GO QUICKLY, RIGHT THIS INSTANT. Which of course, brought Clara to tears. Do you know what this meant?? If you are a parent, I am going to just assume that this has happened to you, too.

Well, it meant that then I was sitting on the stairs with my daughter dissolving in my lap, comforting a very upset little girl. Great. Now? We really WERE going to be late. Irony at it’s best.

In that moment, through my impatience and my irritation I saw so clearly that had I just let her go down the stairs on her bottom, we would already be in the car. I took a deep breath, relaxed my shoulders and assessed the situation. The sad fact is that we were NOT late by anyone else’s standards but mine, indeed, we were early for her school time. This need of mine to be on time is largely manufactured. I am fortunate enough to have a fairly flexible job - if I’m a few minutes late, it’s okay. Being on time makes me feel good, but at what expense? On this particular morning, it was clear that the expense was far too high.

After comforting my daughter and assuring her that everything was okay and apologizing for being grumpy with her, she began to walk very quickly down the stairs, saying to me, “Mommy, hurry! We are late for school…” Which I found sort of funny and sort of heart-breaking, in a jumbled up sort of way. I DO want Clara to value other’s time by arriving when she is supposed to. I DON’T want Clara to feel like she has to rush everywhere. This is not clear-cut, this is about balance and taking a relaxed attitude and knowing WHEN it’s important to rush and when it’s not.

Since this particular morning, our routine seems to have become calmer. I am consciously relaxing into the rhythm of our morning and breathing more deeply. I am working on staying curious in the morning, when I start to feel my belly tighten and my brain get wound up about being late. By asking the following questions, I can get the bird’s eye view instead of being caught in the brush of my busy thoughts:

Why do I feel impatient? Why is being early so important? What can I do to feel okay and still let Clara be Clara?

And, to round out the work I do with my thoughts, I have changed some of my actions to support a smoother morning. After giving it some thought, I now get up a bit earlier so I feel more present for Clara when she wakes up. I don’t check email in the morning any longer. I let Clara watch cartoons while she eats breakfast and I finish getting ready. So sue me. She loves the Italian cartoons - it’s language skills, people!

In any case, Clara IS my Zen teacher. By staying curious and open, we have the enormous gift of learning to be better versions of ourself through our relationship with our kids. Are there other situations with your kids where you find yourself tense that there might be a hidden zen lesson? Tell us in the comments…

And, happy coincidence, the first post in this series, about the Art Box incident has been published on Mothersource a resource for parents and families. You can access the article here. Thank you so much to Savannah for choosing my story!!

Beginning long before the the illness that I deal with, after I (finally) passed the CPA exam, I started thinking seriously about the big question. You know. THAT question.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE???

You know. THAT one. Meaning. Purpose. Passion. Excellence. All that jazz…

My brain and my heart have been circling the question for a while now. Like the word that is on the tip of your tongue that you can’t quite access. That frustrating place of knowing that it’s close, but, not within range.

All that changed recently through a really amazing series of events that COULD be construed as coincidence, but they weren’t. Not at all. Let me tell you. Somehow, I came upon a free course called The Butterfly Experiment (which is no longer free) that is all about manifesting what you want in your life. The course has you focus on manifesting butterflies. I sort of half paid attention to the program and spent a total of about 4 minutes per day on it (I think she asks for 10 - 15 minutes per day), and, every day (I’m not kidding) I saw butterflies. It was pretty impressive, but even MORE impressive was the dissolution of the barrier in my mind that was hiding the answer to my burning question (remember? The one up the page a bit?).

In addition to the Butterfly Experiment (which I DO highly recommend), I have been listening to, and using the self-coaching techniques of Brooke Castillo and also doing Byron Katie’s Work as well, so perhaps I was just ready to hear it. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My whole life has been a preparation for this - even this blog is like a big neon sign announcing my purpose to the world - I just didn’t see it! What I most want to do is to offer others a safe venue to dissolve their own barriers to living the lives they are meant to be living. A guide of sorts. A personal coach and mentor.

I am very excited about this (which is sort of an understatement) and can’t wait to get started! I have signed up for the Life Coach training that is offered by Martha Beck and I am busily reading books and doing my homework. I am also lining up people who want to be my first coach clients, so say the word if you are interested. Seriously.

So, big changes are afoot. I begin my course in June. I anticipate I will archive this blog very soon and switch to a new website and blog - once the name of my coaching business is clear!! So many ideas for classes and programs are popping into my brain, I feel like I’m trying to run to keep up with a fast moving train! When I sit down to work on my homework and do my reading and take notes, time evaporates and I look up two, three hours later. It is a wonderful feeling.

And here is what I need from you. I have a really horrible time coming up with names. Really, it just makes me grumpy. All the names I like are taken (of course), so I have to think up bigger and better names and it’s not really my strong point. Below I have a list of the BEST names that I’ve come up with. I would be EVER so grateful if you weighed in on my poll.

I am so pleased, too, to have received another blog award from the lovely Nadine! A lemonade award, to be exact! Which means, “A Lemonade Award is given to bloggers who show a positive attitude, gratitude, and a willingness to share their ideas, support and online friendship. In other words, people who make lemonade when they get lemons!” I thank you so much Nadine…

And, last but not least! I recently ordered brand new eco-Yoga mats for my home studio classes!! YAY!! They are on their way and I cannot wait to get them. The colors are beautiful and the material is gentle on the environment - so, if you are in the market for a new mat, might I suggest you go see Lotus Pad Yoga Mats?

Tangles, Brushes, and Combs, OH MY!

Speaking of V8 moments, let me pick up where I left off. My daughter now has an art box that she adores and uses often. I am a better parent for developing a deeper level of curiosity about who she is (instead of who I think she is). This, of course, is all about mindfulness and being in the present moment, where creative action and change can happen. Another case in point is the hair brushing incident, as I fondly refer to it now…

One of the ways my daughter is significantly different than me is her hair. My daughter has beautiful, curly hair – golden brown ringlets that frame her face perfectly. I have short, straight hair and do not use a brush. In fact, I avoid brushes at all costs. Fortunately for Clara, she didn’t really start needing her hair combed until she was about 3. Prior to that, she didn’t have enough hair for it to tangle or do anything else, for that matter. Which is my sort of hairstyle.

Once her hair got long enough that it obviously required some regular attention and care, I tried a stupid baby brush with soft bristles. Nothing. All it did was create frizz and leave the dread-lock like tangles in place. So, I decided, on the spot, that using a comb to get tangles out (with water and conditioner sprayed on her hair first) was the best solution.

Never mind that my daughter screamed bloody murder when I would comb her hair – I thought she was OVERREACTING. After all, I would hold the base of small sections of her hair and then gently comb through the tangles at the end. Still, lots of heartache and frustration, every morning, for both of us (no, Erick NEVER combs hair – clear division of duty). We both dreaded the hair-readiness time of morning.

But recently all that changed. We were on an overnight trip and, in the morning, I was shuffling around, looking for the comb and realized I had forgotten the comb. I was cursing under my breath, because we were going to an event where there was a good chance newspapers were going to get pictures of Clara, as Erick was speaking. Italians like well-groomed children. And, I like moderately well groomed children. It just so happens that her hair was REALLY bad that morning, and NEEDED some fixing.

Since I am growing my hair out, I happened to bring a brush with hard bristles to tame my wacky bang cowlicks during blowdrying (that is the ONLY thing I use a brush for). In desperation, I sprayed Clara’s hair down and proceeded to brush her hair. Which I was CONVINCED would not work.

Two things happened:
1. The brush did, in fact, work. Beautifully. Actually better and faster than the stupid comb ever did.
2. Clara didn’t cry. Not one “OW” escaped her lips. It was the most peaceful hair brushing we’ve ever had.

As with the art box, I felt elation over this fabulous discovery (a brush!! A BRUSH WORKS!), and then felt a fairly overwhelming wave of “duh”. Why NOT try something different if the experience I’m having sucks and is totally difficult? Why? Because I’m human, that’s why. We all tend to keep doing things that support our beliefs, like “Hair brushing is painful and hurts and that is JUST THE WAY IT IS.” A silly example, perhaps, but obviously I was completely hooked by this and it took accidental forgetfulness to figure out it could be different. I do this to myself all the time, and I suspect that other people do, too, unconsciously.

Does any of this sound familiar? Are there any experiences that you have on a regular basis that are just downright unpleasant? Have you resigned yourself in a, “That’s just the way it is.” sort of way? The homework I’ve given myself since the brush incident is to notice when I am NOT having a pleasant experience and step back to evaluate whether there is a way for me to a. change the situation or b. change the way I think about the situation.

Care to join me? Have you had your own V8 moments? What “that’s just the way it is” experience would you like to change? Share in the comments.

Next up in this series: Me, impatient? Come on… Hurry up!

And, a quick note of gratitude… I was recently awarded a blog award by the lovely writer of Graceful Yoga. A heartfelt thank you for thinking of Everyday Yogini for your list…

“Our children, from infancy to adulthood and beyond, can be seen as perpetually challenging live-in teachers, who provide us with ceaseless opportunities to do the inner work of understanding who we are and who they are.”  Jon Kabat Zinn

I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to call children teachers.  I can say, without a doubt, that having Clara has definitely schooled me, illuminating the myriad ways that I am internally broken, and how many dark, cobweb-y habits and beliefs I have to work on.  Since being a parent puts all these not-so-great things about me under a spotlight for my personal enjoyment (and work), I often have moments that remind me of the V8 commercials of my childhood, with the forehead slapping “Aha” moment.  In this series I will share three recent incidents that highlight a very common way in which I learn and change and become better version of myself:  being fully present in the moment (which, will be obvious from my story, is NOT often enough!)  

The Art Box

About a year ago, I decided to put together a special “art box” for Clara.  In this box was safety scissors, crayons, a small pad of paper and some star stickers.  Just an assortment of things that she could pull out and play with, unsupervised.  Things that all children love, and things I remember really liking as a child.  

I noticed about a month ago (a year after the fact) that she never, ever used her box.  We were in the kitchen, where she was gleefully helping me make dinner by dumping water from one container to the other.  I was thinking about the things IN the art box, when I realized that Clara had never really used crayons - not even as a smaller child.  So, I turn to Clara and I ask, “Clara?  Do you like drawing with crayons?”

In my adult-ness, I think this is an easy question and one she will be happy to answer, but she looks at me with panic-stricken eyes.  I say in response to this face, “Sweetie, I want you to LOVE all the things in your artbox - it’s YOURS and should have in it all the things you want to do art with!”  She looked at me for a long moment and after that pregnant pause, it dawns on me fully.  I asked her, point blank, “Clara, you don’t like crayons, do you?”  She looked at me with immense relief and said, “No, Mommy.  I DO NOT like crayons.  I like colored pens best!”  

I’m fairly certain that you are not sensing that you could have knocked me over with a feather in that moment- WHY didn’t she just tell me?  WHAT did she possibly think would have happened? And then, I looked at my own lack of awareness.  I was shocked that I had waited so long to ask such a simple question about my daughter’s preferences!   

We spent that afternoon putting all the crayons away for guests and filling her artbox with things *she* really loves: stamps, craft scissors, glue, and, of course, colored pens.  LOTS of colored pens.  Every single one in the house, in fact.

Need I say that I felt like a complete JERK MOM for NOT recognizing this sooner?  Although she is very verbal and engaging,  relying on her to express her likes and dislikes in that way is asking too much.  She is, after all, only four.  As the saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words.”  And this is equally as true for children, who are, really, just smaller people.  What a shock to really “get” that my daughter is not an extension of myself and my husband (surprise!!).  I loved crayons as a child, my husband was a colored pencil kind of kid (I found out after I asked).  This was a powerful reminder that paying attention and being curious about who she is in this moment is paramount to her well-being and happiness, and my success as a parent.  My assumptions about who she is are not accurate.  Obviously.

My intention going forward is to ask Clara before I decide (through the lens of my own preferences and experiences) what is good for her, knowing that experiencing  compassionate awareness, honesty, and presence from me will shape her ability to honor her internal compass as she gets older.  I am giving up my assumption that I “know” her and what she likes simply because I’ve known her since she was born.  And really, this applies to anyone and everyone in our lives.  The ability to effect change and connect with others happens entirely in this moment, what I like to think of as the creative present.  

What have you learned about yourself from your children?  Tell me in a comment! 

Next up in the series:  Tangles, Brushes, and Combs, Oh My!

I love this.  I mean, I really, really love this.   Karma Krew is a yoga inspired nonprofit organization dedicated to mobilizing the collective energy of the yoga community to translate the insights revealed on the mat into purposeful action in the the world. In May, they are promoting a nationwide Yogathon!  Please, get involved and/or spread the word. 

One People One Cause One Month

 ~ May 2009 ~

Uniting together to support yoga outreach

Peace by Peace is Simple:

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through service outreach programs and yoga classes for the underserved.
Together, we can make a difference in this world - peace by peace.

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I like to encourage everyone to pursue a home practice, be it Meditation, Yoga, Tai Chi - really, whatever calls to you.  It can be really difficult to make time for a home practice, but, I think an even bigger barrier is the “What-do-I-do-now-that-my-mat-is-rolled-out” barrier.  Even after practicing Yoga for as long as I have, for crying out loud, I have days where I just want to follow a practice designed by someone else! 

So for those of you looking for a (free) full practice of an hour or so, I suggest subscribing to Yoga Today, a really fabulous group of Yoginis that provide free, daily Yoga practices via the internet. If you don’t have time for a full practice, but still want the benefits of practice, they also have a blog with lots of (free) mini-practice sessions. The range of clips they have is astonishing… they even have a practice you can do with your kids! Brilliant!

Even if you can’t find ten minutes to follow along with Yoga Today, I will encourage you with the wisdom of my very first Yoga teacher. She asked us all to pick a pose we really, really liked from class and commit to practicing that one pose every day. To slowly and gently be in the pose, to experience it fully. I was skeptical about ONE posture being a Yoga practice, but, I did it (mainly because I thought the teacher was simply amazing!). Every day, one pose. And, over time, my home practice organically grew to include more postures and also, meditation. But even had it not, one minute spent fully in the body, aware of the breath, can have more impact than an hour-long class where you are mentally checked out. Really.

What is your favorite asana? Can you find time to practice it every day? If not, what is stopping you? Tell me in the comments.

Obviously, I have NOT been blogging.  At all.  I hate to even admit it, but in the last few months, Facebook has simply taken over my virtual life!! I cannot BELIEVE it took me so long to get on board with social networking! In fact, I have fallen so deeply in love with all the cool new stuff that keeps us connected that, at work, I will be teaching a class on social networking (Facebook and other ways to stay connected) in May (among other similar classes). Yes, Yoginis, I have drunk the social media kool aid! And that has kept me busy, busy.

But, you say, blogging is a social media tool as well! Why stop blogging?? (note: deep secret about to be revealed…) Well, when I first got onto Facebook, I linked my blog to my Facebook page (of course!) and my blog posts are announced on my Facebook feed. This is great, right? Exposure is good! Right?? Right????

Frankly, it started weirding me out.

I adore Yoga. It is so much a part of who I am, that it touches and informs every part of my life. However, there are a great number of people that I interact with in the world that I simply have not connected with on that level. Say, people I work with. Or, say, people my husband works with. And I needed some time, I think, to evaluate my comfort level with such a disparate audience having access to what, in many cases, amounts to some very personal, tender places in me. I have nothing to hide, and yet, I suppose on some level, I still feel that maybe “normal” people might find my spiritual, introspective bent odd and judge me for it. On the other hand, if I were to take a more positive (confident) view, I would be delighted that more people in my life would be exposed to Yoga, know more about who I am, and, perhaps, something I write might be of help to them in their own lives at some juncture.

On other, more mundane matters, for those of you who have not drunk the Facebook kool aid, Clara is growing up so fast and, I can say without a doubt that four is the best age EVER! She is funny, curious, independent, opinionated, lively… just fully and completely herself. I read a blog post recently (and I’m ashamed to say I don’t remember where, so if you wrote it, please leave a comment and take your credit!!) about a father who kept a daily journal the year each of his kids were four with quotes, observations, and experiences. This woman had been the recipient of the book from her father and she loved it so much, she decided to do the same for her children. I IMMEDIATELY began a journal for Clara, because, every single day she says or does something that is so amazing and magical that I realized that I had to capture this for her. 

Rome has re-entered my graces after a really challenging winter by providing sunshine, blooming trees, and singing birds for Spring. It’s about time. Seriously.

Finally, my wonderful Friday morning Yoga and meditation class is an absolute treasure! We are currently working with Metta Bhavana (Loving-kindness) meditation and, well, I am certainly having a lot of personal insights!! We practiced for two weeks directing metta ONLY to ourselves and, well, I will be writing more about that later- because for me, it was simply incredible! I have not practiced intensely with metta meditation since Clara was a little baby (I would practice metta every time she nursed, so, uh, I was meditating. A lot.) so it has been very powerful for me to practice this concentration meditation technique again.

And now, Yoginis, Clara and I must prepare for an Easter Egg hunt today. I have vegan cupcakes to frost, so my dear, sweet, girl can have a yummy, egg-free treat during the festivities.

I will leave you with a Spring gatha:

When the blossoms are showy and pink,
I vow with all beings,
To delight in Springtime’s abundance,
All the sweeter after winter’s deep sleep.