Everyday Yogini

Every aspect of my life is an investigation into who I really am.

Meaning, my life really is a spiritual practice – a practice of uncovering my essence of perfection.  My traumatic and abusive childhood was a teacher for me.  My education and my early career were an exploration in trying to be someone I was not (and being quite miserable). Which in many ways escorted me to exactly what I needed – leading me (over 10 years ago) to my recovery from drinking, smoking, and abusing my body which was really just the beginning of coming home to myself.

There have been many themes to my investigation.

As I began to get to know myself and heal, there was marriage and learning how to be in a relationship that was not dramatic.  A whole new investigation started.  Then, we had a child.  Oh, man – now there is an ongoing and powerful learning curve.  My daughter is one of my greatest teachers and will continue to be, of that I’m certain. Most recently, my investigation into how my work as a business healer and teacher has brought up a whole new level of healing for me to explore.

At the heart of each investigation is one thing.  The body.

I have now practiced yoga for almost half of my life.  The practice of yoga, at first, was a way for me to try and “fix” what was wrong with my body, my mind, and my emotions.  To ‘transcend’ this human experience and escape the strong feelings that came, unbidden.

That failed, miserably thank goodness.

We are such a mental culture – we have given all of our attention and care to the primacy of our minds.  But our bodies are the way that we move through this world and take effective action.  Our bodies also express and experience our emotions.  And, even more amazing, when we resist or push away our feelings, our bodies do us the great service of storing our emotions in our bodies.  But that doesn’t work for long.

The body, and our emotions, must be tended along with the mind.

When you are afraid, when your mind cannot be still, when you are angry, when you are sad, what do you do?  Do you try and escape?  Push it away? There is no shame in that – I think in our culture, it’s just what we do – we don’t know another way.  Ultimately, what we all find, and may not have words for, is that it doesn’t work.  We end up feeling paralyzed, or our feelings explode and we overreact, or our bodies start talking to us through pain, illness, or weight gain.

We need all of our wisdom at the table to live rich and full lives.  We need our beautiful, logical minds.  We need the flow of information that our emotions are giving us.  We need the vision that our spirit provides.  And we need the body to take it all in and move through the world so we can create what we want.

I am forging a new self based on mind, body, emotions, and spirit.

My yoga mat is where I practice allowing this strong relationship to flow. That requires a deep honoring of the body and the emotions as I move through my practice – less reliance on the mind, which so often leads the charge. I am learning to listen deeply to all of the types of wisdom that I possess – that we all possess.  This time that I spend on the mat supports me in allowing all aspects of my life, my relationships, my parenting, my business, the world at large, and my relationship with myself to be a part of my life as a spiritual practice.

I am learning to belong to myself – and that feels like true enlightenment.

I am delighted that I no longer want to transcend the human experience.  What I most long for is to be here, fully.  To engage with this amazing experience of being fully human with a body, with a brilliant mind, with a rich tapestry of emotions, and with the mysterious spirit to inspire me.

As uncomfortable as it sometimes is, what a relief and a joy to come home to all of me – to be on the path to wholeness.

Namasté, yoginis. 

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