A “Do Over” Day…
Do you remember as kid when you were playing games, calling out, “Do over!!” I sure do. My brother was always cheating. Well, maybe not, but he was older and I was always crying for a do over…
I am loving my increased Yoga and Meditation practice this month for WoYoPracMo as well as working with my words of intention, openhearted clarity. As I would expect, I feel more buoyant and light in everything, which leads me back to my do-over day.
Yesterday morning, I needed to go get some bloodwork done for the upcoming medical procedure I’m having done. Erick and I decided to make it a family outing, taking Clara on her tricycle. Things were going great until, horror of horrors, I broke Clara’s treat at the cafe. Tears and whining ensued, which I always find particularly challenging to deal with when we are in public because I end up letting a whiny child dictate the rules because I so badly want her to STOP.
Erick started getting tense, i started getting tense, then we began to have a veiled argument about the location of the clinic where the blood was going to be taken and I started freaking out that I wasn’t going to make it before they closed. Good lord. After I got Clara calm and we were on our way to the clinic, Erick was still brooding when I called for a Do Over.
It was tough, but we finally managed to talk about what the heart of the matter was for both of us instead of staying caught in the irritation. Usually, unexpectedly, that’s all it takes to stop the reactive response. With my increased practice time and my focus on openhearted clarity, I can say I was able to cultivate more open communication and stop what could have become a bad day, in it’s tracks.
Internally, I took a deep breath, and was able to recognize what was happening: for me, many times, including yesterday, it’s expecting people or things to be different than they really are. I accepted that I was having unrealistic expectations and then, I let it go. I hit the internal reset button so I could really start over with both Erick and Clara.
The rest of the day was great. We took Clara to the park and Erick and I had a great discussion about things that are coming up. Clara bounced back and ended up having a wonderful day, too.
It’s so easy to get caught up in five or ten bad minutes and have it taint the rest of our day. What I’m learning is to let go of those bad minutes and move on to the next moment that is fresh and ready for my attention. And it is only when I am present in that new moment that I can call for a Do Over and make it stick.
January 6th, 2008 at 10:39 am
I love this idea of a do over. You’re right. One stupid little argument and it can taint your whole day. And it usually all starts because we are simply tired. So I’ll say to my husband, “Let’s just start again.” But both of us have to be willing to let go of any resentment to make it work.
By the way… still obsessed with trying to come up with two words for my intention this year!
January 6th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
I can’t wait to hear what you come up with for your words, Kelcey!
I’m glad other couple need do-overs, too! And, you are so right~ both people have to be willing to drop the barriers to make it work…
January 6th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Is there a ‘do-over’ button that you could please send to me? Can I buy it somewhere? Wal-Mart maybe? Oh please, tell me where to get one…
January 6th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
I love the “do over” idea. I think my husband and I should start using that when we start getting on each other’s nerves. Because it always happens at the same time, he’s irritating me but I’ve already irritated him! And it can literally wreck the whole day, I tend to hold a grudge! Glad that it all worked out in the end and that you all had a nice afternoon together. And hope you are doing well!
January 7th, 2008 at 4:17 am
Shannon, you crack me up! Walmart would NEVER carry such a product! It can’t be produced in China!
Melissa, isn’t that the truth that the tiniest thing can wreck a whole day? I love having my intention words on hand to remind me that I’m striving to move beyond my old ways of responding! It really seems to work…
January 7th, 2008 at 4:31 am
Ah, wish I had read this yesterday morning. Ahem. Bu I had a good evening, does that count?
January 7th, 2008 at 4:51 am
I love Shannon’s idea of a do-over button. See if you can cultivate it. You will need it when your daughter reaches her Ferocious Fours. The whole concept of do over is wonderful, but I sort of think my husband would freak out if I started saying this. Maybe I can find a way to say it to myself, quietly, secretly, but every so consequentially.
January 7th, 2008 at 5:14 am
Nadine, of course a good evening counts!
Lilalia, the internal do-over button is a great way to visualize it, I agree! Let me know if you use it internally and if it works….
January 9th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Oh, I use do-overs a lot! With my son and my husband. It has been a great tool for increasing my skills. I get the chance to feel and practice what it would be like if I behaved as I wanted to in the first place, which helps me call on those skills next time.
I’ve written about my journey toward peaceful parenting on my blog, specifically in a series called Mad Mama Moments.
Also, there is a terrific man named Scott Noelle who writes about peaceful and joyful parenting and he has a short piece about do-overs.
Peace,
Stacy