Everyday Yogini

As I convey my experience, I want to make it clear that I am acutely aware that my story is just one - and not a very serious case at that. There have been perhaps 7 days that I have been unable to function normally since this all began. I’ve still managed to show up for life and do what I need to do. Many people do not have that luxury when they are dealing with serious, life-threatening illness. However, I think there are universal lessons that I’ve learned that could be helpful for anyone dealing with emotional or physical pain.

But before I talk about what I think might be helpful for ANYONE dealing with pain, I need to complete the story, from then until now…

I have had at least five follow up gastroscopes. Three of them came in quick succession, because during a follow up that I insisted on (I was in a LOT of pain) they found a polyp growing out of the papilla and thought it might be cancerous. It wasn’t, but that was beyond stressful. After that episode, the doctors put me on proton pump inhibitors to decrease stomach acid, and I ended up being allergic to them. (I was having terrible kidney pain and the doctor’s were, really, blowing me off. Two days after I went off of the Prilosec, the pain was gone.)

I stopped eating gluten and dairy, after consulting with a nutritionist. Eventually, the doctors tested me for allergies and DID find the lactose intolerance - the gluten, well, I still hold out hope that I will be able to eat it again, but from my observations, I’m not there yet. I’ve taken a bunch of different supplements, but the ones I’ve stuck with have been anti-inflammatory in nature: fish oil, polyphenols, adaptogenic herbs, ginger, and acid neutralizers. I also started using “healing foods” like miso and kudzu. I tried QiGong as a healing therapy. Since arriving in Rome, I have not been to an acupuncturist - it’s so expensive here, but I wish I had access to one.

But really, the main theme that has been at work since this all began is me fighting with reality. To make the pain go away. Preferably yesterday. And of course, in the process of doing that, I learned a lot and discovered some very important things that have been critical in supporting my body. But in the end, healing wasn’t at all what I thought it was. Let me elaborate.

Body Care
Nutrition is a very important component of any healing program. Whether our pain is physical or emotional, it is so important to take care of our bodies with nourishing foods. It just so happened that I have some food intolerances that needed to be addressed, and it helped me, for sure, and I would encourage anyone having problems with fatigue, physical pain, or digestive issues to check it out.

Moving our bodies is another important part of supporting healing, and yet often, when we are in pain, we avoid exercise! Doing what you can, when you can, is, just like nutrition, a vital way to care for your body and your emotions. Think about how good you feel after you go for a walk or go to a Yoga class. This is even MORE important when we are physically or emotionally hurting.

In addition to eating well and exercising, being outside in the sunshine, in nature, is also so important and renews us is such important ways - not just physically.

I also incorporate little bits of serious self-care into my days: after showering, I massage my feet and ankles with lavender-scented oil, I drink MUCH less coffee, I rest with Clara in the afternoon, I also take baths a few times a week after Clara goes to sleep, and, finally, speaking of sleep, I make a point of getting enough.

Simple, important steps to support a healthy body and clear mind. Speaking of a clear mind…

Mind Management
Being informed is important, but is sort of a double edged sword. I tend to look at all the possible scenarios (online) and then end up freaking myself out (sound familiar to anyone?). That being said, knowing what I know has been invaluable in dealing with the medical system and asking for tests to rule things out. Everyone needs to be a partner with their health care providers and I don’t believe you can do that without being informed. Doctors are not infallible and they are not the experts on the bodies that we live in - we are.

I contend that an even more important use of your mind in the midst of crisis, physical pain, or emotional pain is using the power of your mind through visualization. I often visualize healing energy flowing through my body while using the mantra, “My mind is calm, my organs are healthy.” (I learned this through QiGong) I find this a very soothing practice that can be used anytime, anywhere.

If you have a regular meditation practice, now is a good time to use that training and become the witness to your own thoughts and be very conscientious of whether what they are telling you is actually true. That may sound a little weird, but more on that later.

Spirit Care
This, to me, is the most important part of the equation. And I have a story to tell before I talk more about this.

About two months ago, I just got tired of fighting with the pain. It was so apparent to me that every time I experienced pain, I was getting anxious and gyrating around, obsessing on what I could do to make it go away. At this particular time, I decided I just wanted to make friends with it. Tired of fighting, I increased my meditation practice in the hope it would help me co-habitate with the pain in my body. I also decided to alter my Yoga practice radically to be primarily mindfulness-based, so I would be spending a majority of my practice time focused on developing my ability to relax into the moment, into life as it presents itself in any given moment.

This was a very astute move.

Oddly enough, within a week or so of practicing in this way, my pain dropped off drastically. I have no explanation and it certainly wasn’t my goal, but, nonetheless, it’s true. Come to find out, this is not an entirely uncommon experience. Meditation has been shown to have dramatic effects on pain and mental states (like anxiety).

So, in the end, it all came back to the practices that I’ve been working with for 16 years - Yoga and meditation. There is also the work of Byron Katie, which is very complementary to meditation and Yoga, as it is completely focused on accepting what is happening in the moment. Byron Katie’s work should also go in the “Mind Management” category - although when used it definitely lightens the emotional load, it is very much a way to observe and question thoughts. I highly recommend it.

And, need I even mention the practice of gratitude?

_____________________

At the end of the day, today to be precise, I still have pain. Not every day, but it’s still there. However, I now consider myself definitely more healed than not. Because I don’t believe any longer that healing means “pain free”. Healing is an inherent quality of spirit, a sense of perspective. I love this quote by Jon Kabat-Zinn about what healing is, as opposed to curing:

“Healing implies the possibility for us to relate differently to illness, disability or even death as we learn to see with eyes of wholeness…. This comes from practicing such basic skills as going into and dwelling in states of deep physiological relaxation and seeing and transcending our fears and our boundaries of body and mind… Moments of experiencing wholeness, moments when you connect with the domain of your own being, often include a palpable sense of being larger than your illness or your problems and in a much better position to come to terms with them.”

Every day, when I sit to meditate, and often during the day, I turn my focus to the fact that I am breathing. As I write that, it literally gives me goosebumps and brings tears to my eyes. Just that simple awareness means so much - it means I am here to see my daughter grow up, I am here to share life with my husband, I am here to go to work, drink coffee, laugh with friends, walk the streets of Rome… the complete experience of life is mine to taste and touch.

And it is for you, too.

May you be well,
May you be happy,
May you be filled with peace.

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 25th, 2008 at 1:22 pm and is filed under The Path of Healing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.