Noticing
Thank you all so much for your supportive, positive comments on my menus for this week. Both events are over and they went well. The St. Patrick’s Day menu was a bigger hit than last night, but both were well recieved.
I have to say, by Tuesday night (we went to a reception that night) I was completely wiped out. As we already had another dinner planned for Wednesday, it was necessary to just work with it and not get all cranky and bent out of shape about being overscheduled. Even though I had things I “needed” to do, I went to bed early on Tuesday. I noticed that I felt guilty going to bed- and I didn’t sleep well. Wednesday morning I was blurry and tired and had so. much. to. do.
At the last minute, I decided to simplify Wednesday’s menu so I wouldn’t have as much to do- we had rice instead of potatoes and fresh fruit for dessert instead of the crisp. It worked out famously and I got to take a nap before the dinner, which I desperately needed.
The theme of what I noticed was the undue pressure I put on myself to do EVERYTHING. And quite frankly, I simply cannot at this point in my life. From standing over the stove all day Monday and then standing around in high heels all night, I had a relapse of the tingling and numbness in my arm. When I push myself beyond my limits, my body- good friend- let’s me know that it’s too much. The silly thing is, I don’t *have* to do everything. I have full permission to relax and enjoy myself. Why don’t I?
This is such a fundamental question to Mothers everywhere. Maybe people everywhere. Why do we manufacture ways to be too-busy with little details instead of focusing our energy on our kids, our families, our well-being? Does it really matter if the croutons are made from homemade foccacia? Will it be noticeably better if the soups are made with homemade broth vs. store bought? I really don’t think so.
So next time, I will start out with the intent to do less and enjoy more. I will not worry at all about including Clara in the function- after all, it’s my house. I will not hesitate to use the resources that I have available to me to take the pressure off. I refuse to believe that my worth is somehow going to be measured by niggling details- I know Clara isn’t going to remember that I made the broth. She will most likely remember that I was distracted by cooking and not paying attention to her!
Are there things that you do that you don’t have to do? Self-manufactured pressure? Is there anything you can let go of in order to give yourself a little breathing space?
Here in Italy, it’s a long weekend for Easter. We are planning a visit to the beach and a picnic. I wish you all a wonderful, relaxing weekend!
March 20th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Nona, I had tingling in my right wrist & hand along with tendinitis in my elbow. I went for acupuncture treatment for both things and it has been an amazing help. The acupuncturist that I visited is also getting his degree in physical therapy, so in addition to the acupuncture he gave me some exercises to help stop the tingling. I don’t know if the tingling is also in your wrist/hand, but if it is, email me at oagly1 at comcast dot net and I’ll write out the exercise for you.
March 20th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Yes, yes, and yes. Big sigh of relief as I let a lot of silly little worries go after reading your thoughtful post…
Glad your events went so well (I knew they would), and a peaceful, enjoyable Easter weekend to you and your family.
March 20th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
There is absolutely nothing wrong with using good quality store bought broth. Or store bought foccacia for that matter
I’m glad the meals went well.
March 20th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
oh i buy everything… nothing homemade here.
but i put tons of pressure to have a very clean, neat house… sometimes i just need to accept the mess and know it will eventually be cleaned up… instead of running around like a crazy person.
Missed you! glad everything went well!
March 21st, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I have been thinking of you all week. I am glad things went well — and I am glad you are considering ways to minimize the stress next time!
I was very impressed with your dedication to doing it all yourself, because man, some days I can’t even cook the oatmeal without burning it as my kids dance around me in the kitchen!
I hope your arm is feeling better soon.
Blessings,
s
March 21st, 2008 at 3:20 pm
what IS up w/ all of this self-imposed pressure? i think we all do it, and i know that i need to cut myself some slack. i just haven’t figured out how yet.
wishing you and all of us mamas a peaceful, relaxing weekend.
a visit to the beach and a picnic sound wonderful!
March 21st, 2008 at 8:49 pm
So happy to hear it all went well. I knew it would for the same reason you posted today. I haven’t yet made a woman who doesn’t tax herself to the max in some way whenever she is throwing a dinner party. You are completely correct though. It should have to be that way. The temporary priorities of making all the food from scratch and presenting everything as if we had graduated from chef school really doesn’t matter in the larger scheme of things. Our kids do though. Go rest up in Italy (feeling pea green with envy) and I hope you feel better about your arm.
March 22nd, 2008 at 4:18 pm
The beach sounds fantastic. A few minutes ago we had sleet here in suburban Washington DC…
The entertaining thing is hard. Nearly all of the time I am happy with the choice that we made to stay in our “first house”, that is, not to trade up to a fancy place with fancy stuff. But whenever I have company I have this hit of panic about what they will think of our ordinary house and somewhat child-worn things. And I always have a fight with my husband about some aspect of the food. Even with friends I feel pressure to have it look and be some certain way. But then everyone has a good time and none of it turns out to have mattered.
“The Great Way is easy, except for the picking and the choosing.”
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:43 am
I’m glad things went well and that you were able to do what you needed to in order to stay sane. I have a tendency to do the same thing when it comes to entertaining. I’ve been reading a blog called 4 Reluctant Entertainers – it seems to be helping me to let go a bit.
Hope you take some time to recharge a bit.
March 30th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Something I heard a long time ago and learned too late…..
“If Mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” — might sound like more pressure on Mamma, but I think it means in simplest terms that we (Moms especially) are to do the things which allow us to enjoy our family and let the chips fall where they may — there is little more valuable than the memories of spending quality time with those you love.
Diane