Everyday Yogini

I am so excited about this course, Yoginis!  It is going to be loads of fun and I’m looking forward to working with a great group of people!  For a weekly investment that is less than your typical Yoga class, you get so much…  hope to see you there.

Do you want help, guidance and support to fit a dynamic practice of doing nothing into your life, without moving to a monastary or giving up your high heels? Do you want to connect to inner peace, innate joy, and a focused mind?

Join the More Happy, Less Stress 6-week telecourse! Each week will provide you with detailed instructions on a different type of meditation as well as practice in the art of doing nothing, additional coaching and Yoga tools to assist you, followed by Q&A and coaching around any thoughts that bubble up during practice.

The syllabus:
Week One: Introduction
Talk about intention, using the workbook, and how to approach the practice. What are the benefits of working with the breath. Practice with the essential breath.

Week Two: Mindfulness
Checking in from following week. Working with mindfulness meditation and putting it to work in our lives. Incorporating Yoga into a practice with the 5 movements of the spine. Practice with mindfulness meditation.

Week Three: Mantras
Check in from previous week. Using mantras and their benefits. Cultivating qualities in our lives. Working with daily intentions. Practice with mantra meditation.

Week Four: Loving-kindness, Take 1
Check in from previous week’s practice. Introduction to Loving-kindness meditation. The stages of this technique and choosing your focal people. Writing your own aspiration for the practice. Practicing with loving-kindness meditation.

Week Five: Loving-kindness, Take 2
Check in from previous week. Introducing loving-kindness into your daily life. Living with gratitude and grace. Practice with loving kindness meditation.

Week Six: Life as Practice
An intuitive practice – following your own guidance. What to do with persistent thoughts (aka: coaching yourself). Meditation practice, your choice.

To sign up, go to:
http://insighthealthcoaching.com/services/telecourses/

Each call includes:

* 5 – 10 minute introduction & basic instructions
* Breath-work to relax the body and calm the mind
* 5 minutes of practice with the introduced meditation, followed by quick Q&A
* 20 minutes of dedicated meditation time, followed by
* An additional 20 minutes of Q&A plus coaching with Nona Jordan, mind-body coach
and certified yoga and meditation instructor

There are so many reasons to practice the art of doing nothing! Studies show some benefits of meditation to be:

* Increased ability to deal with stress
* Less physical pain
* More mental flexibility
* Greater sense of control and purpose
* Higher immune function
* More peaceful sleep
* Better looking

Okay, I made the last one up, but don’t you think people who are relaxed and happy are much more beautiful??

Classes will be held via teleconference every Monday at 9:00am EST (6:00am PST, and 3:00pm Central European Time) beginning November 9th and with the final class on December 14th.

Introductory price: $69.00 (less than the cost of a Yoga class each week!)

For more info and to sign up, go to:
http://insighthealthcoaching.com/services/telecourses/

Crazy as it sounds, yesterday our little family spent the day at the beach.  It was in the low 80’s and Clara swam in the sea, then, we enjoyed a really fabulous lunch at a restaurant on the beach.  Oh how I’m loving this “Fall” weather!

If you aren’t a subscriber at the coaching blog (if you are, I’m sorry to duplicate here), I wanted to let you know about a new offering.  For new newsletter subscribers, I am offering a free introductory manual called More Happy, Less Stress: the sensible art of doing nothing that improves nearly everything!  In it are the top three tools that I use and that I ask each of my clients to use while we are working together.  You can sign up here to get your own copy:

I’m running of for my own practice - a walk, some yoga, followed up with my own art of doing nothing…

If you visit here often, you know I have a deep love and respect for Pema Chodron. I think my Dad introduced me to her writings many years ago - thanks Dad!!

I just ran across this quote by her and for whatever reason it really struck me today:

“The trick is to keep exploring and not bail out, even when we find out that something is not what we thought. That’s what we’re going to discover again and again. Nothing is what we thought.”

I don’t know about you, but I have certainly found this to be true! I’ve been able to stay with it (whatever “it” might be) on occassion and it IS transformative and freeing. Are you fighting with some idea or experience today? Can you let go of what you think is happening and just live the experience - develop your curiousity muscles?

Hint: A great place to practice being curious and “staying” is on your Yoga mat or meditation cushion!

How I wish I were going to say to you all, “I’m healed!  Pain free, and I’m here to tell you my amazing secrets of healing…” Nope.  Not this post.  But, I haven’t posted for a while about my ongoing saga with daily pain, so I thought today would be a good day. 

To be quite honest, I don’t really like to dwell on it. It just is what it is, but, I feel compelled to write about it when I have big leaps in my understanding of why I’m on this path. And over the last few weeks, this is just what has happened.

It started with me being a bit malcontent with my weight. I haven’t gone above what, for me, has been an ideal weight for years. 135, to be precise. This was my weight in high school and it is the weight I strove for, post-Clara. However, last year, when I was feeling quite a bit worse than I do now, I lost an additional ten pounds. Slowly, I gained it back over the last six to seven months, post-procedure. Which is a good thing, right? To feel like eating normally?? Yes, this IS a good thing, unless you are an emotional eater (like me) who also likes to eat VOLUME. I like to eat LOTS of food. And when I was running 35 miles a week, it didn’t matter, but now? My body isn’t so hip on pounding pavement for 35 miles a week, so I needed to find another way. And I knew it was not going to involve a diet. I have come to a point in my life where dieting just isn’t appealing. I would rather fix the cause, not the effect.

You might ask, “Well, if you are at your supposed goal weight, then what’s the problem??” There isn’t a problem, per se, but I knew that there was going to be a problem if I kept going with the current eating extravaganza!

So, seriously, I don’t even know what led me to look on Martha Beck’s website. (You know, Oprah’s favorite life coach?) I have a deep love, hate relationship with Oprah, and typically avoid her experts. But, for whatever reason, I’m looking around and I find this telecourse that I can just download and I compulsively purchase it.

This was $45.00 well spent for me, Yoginis.

This amazing coach, Brooke Castillo just SPEAKS to me. I’ve heard it a million times, “Eat when you are hungry, stop when you are satisfied”. I’ve even had periods of time where I did this- normally in conjunction with a diet or, most recently, this illness. This woman is a certified Martha Beck coach, but she also draws on Pema Chodron (one of my favorites) and then, another name that I typically avoid, Byron Katie of “The Work”fame. But, dammit all, after listening to the tele-course and just feeling like I had been given some very good news, I went to check out Byron Katie’s website and dusted off my copy of Loving What Is, which I bought about 10 years ago and it didn’t really do much for me at that time. Well, this time? It really made a lot of sense.

Maybe doing Yoga for so long, maybe having a mystery, ongoing, low-level illness has opened my mind enough to slow down and be willing to watch my thoughts. And it is fascinating stuff. In any case, I am starting to work with this, too, and feeling cleaner, emotionally, than I have in a long time. But actually, I’m veering off course here. Well, a little.

So, things are clicking together: the Brooke Castillo tele-course solidifies, and gives some form to, eating with awareness and mindfulness. I love it. It feels good, it feels right and it feels, most importantly, very healing. Because, when I’m only eating when I’m hungry, and stopping when satisfied, I am naturally eating 5-6 smaller meals a day, which is easier on the ol’ digestion. And, doing Byron Katie’s method is helping me to process the thoughts that fuel my desire to eat an entire plate of brownies if they are within the walls of my home. And I KNOW that if I’m eating in the fashion that Brooke talks about? My body is going to land wherever I should be, which may be 135 or some other weight. My body gets to decide- not my brain.

So, here I am, feeling great about the food I’m putting in my body and feeling emotionally clean and then, I start wondering, “Do I really need to be on Prilosec (daily) in perpetuity?” I recently read an article about how these types of drugs aren’t the greatest thing for our health long-term, and I’ve always known I wanted to get off of them, soooo, let’s try! It’s easy to go back on if need be. My suspicion is that eating smaller meals, focusing on fueling my body, will keep the need for Prilosec at bay, combined with the other stuff I’ve been incorporating into my healing, self-care program.

Speaking of self-care. I am still practicing Yoga, to some degree or another, every day - of course. However, it has changed slightly. Remember when I mentioned that I have been teaching myself Qi Gong? Well, the 100 day course ended up being way too time-intensive for this householder, and I ended up buying Qi Gong for Cleaning, a quick routine that is 10 minutes once you learn it. Every morning, I practice my 10 minute routine, and it feels wonderful. The ideas that I took away from the longer QiGong course that I incorporate into my Yoga practice are: visualizing the health of the organs and also the energy moving through the body, synchronizing the breath with movement, and visualizing during movement- which I use not only during Yoga, but when I’m walking and jogging. None of this is new to me, but my Yoga has slowed considerably and I focus a lot more on deep, abdominal breathing as I move through the postures. I will be talking more about this in later posts…

In all earnestness, I can say that without this ongoing saga of physical pain, I would have missed out. I have had so many amazing opportunities to challenge my idea of who I am, what I believe, and what I am capable of because of this illness. I am learning that I am not my pain, or my thoughts, or even my body- revolutionary! Not only that, but I’m learning how to take care of this body that supports me tirelessly, shedding the dysfunctional ways that I’ve used in the past to disappear.

The only way I can possibly sum up what I have learned to date, is that every irritation, every challenge, every single thing that we think we cannot possibly deal with for one more second- is a precious gift from life, waiting to be opened, waiting to open us to who we are meant to be, taking us down the roads we are really, honestly meant to be on. Perhaps some people are born into this state of grace, but at least for me, without my heartaches, illnesses, and challenges, I would just plod along through life, dumb and (un)happy. In time, I hope to be smart enough to not need the Universe’s “pain” calling card to become more of who I am.

A Yogini can dream, can’t she??

I bought a set of these awesome reusable mesh produce bags for myself from Etsy’s AMK Designs, and you can betcha I will be purchasing these as gifts for folks at Christmas!Aren’t they great??

Is there any day that is “typical” when you have a child? As I have been thinking about Half Pint Pixie’s blog carnival, I have been up in the air on what to write. We are very into routines around here, but it seems they change quite often- at least lately. HPP also indicated that a day in my life might be a bit exotic, since we are in Rome. In relationship to mothering, I think our lives are quite normal, really. We have our daily routines, Clara has playdates, this summer, we’ve gone swimming- a lot- I might add, we have a zoo membership, she watches movies, we eat, etc. Our day as a family is not at all something like, “Oh, our daily picnic at the pantheon was rained out, bummer, I guess we’ll go to the Colosseum…” In fact, we haven’t even SEEN the pantheon. Living here is so weird.

From an American perspective, I think what is unusual and exotic about Clara’s days, is the internationality of it all. Her babysitter from Ghana, her nanny from Finland, her Italian nursery school, her soon-to-be British school, our Pakistani domestic. At least a few times a month, we have people in our home from different countries, different cultures. Our home is a sea of tranquil calm most of the time (which suits all of us) but then we have these interesting international gatherings that Clara sees and experiences and participates in.

Our life here is also punctuated by travel, but that isn’t so unusual either, is it? We just happen to be traveling in one of the most sought-after destinations in the world. In fact, next week, we will be taking a vacation to the northern part of Italy to stay in a kinderhotel. (More to come on that….)

There are certainly differences in how parenting plays out here when we are out and about (for instance, don’t even try to find a playground that’s decent- by American standards- in Rome), but, for the most part, my days resemble any other family’s day: getting up, making breakfast, being where we need to be in the morning, activities planned, friends met, sharing facilitated with said friends, meltdowns, craft-projects, teaching moments, snuggles, bath time, messes, cleaning up, etc. Our most important time as a family is dinner time, and we eat together most nights, unless Erick simply can’t make that happen.

My greatest, on-going, daily challenge with this parenting gig is being present and mindful to what is in front of me- especially when that is Clara. As a child and an adult, I remember craving my Mother’s full attention and never feeling like I had it. It was so frustrating and eventually, I just gave up. My relationship with my Mom is not very close, and I’m sad about that, but I hate being disappointed all the time, so now? Well, it just is what it is.

Lately, I sense this is the same thing that is happening with Clara and I, much to my horror. Her needs just feel so demanding and relentless that I shut down, try and escape from it, which makes her demands that much louder. As I’ve reflected on this, I know what I need to do- I need to lean into it, feel my edges, give in to her needs. Maybe just small increments of time, but still, give her what she wants most. My full, attention on who she is in this very moment.

So, a typical day here is not so much different than it would be if I were back in the United States- Clara is my greatest teacher and, with some luck and some grit, she will learn some things from me, too. Outside of routines and all the machinations of being a parent, it’s about raising a happy adult and, for me, building a lifetime relationship that will sustain all of us through the years. Right now, that means adding conscientious time to our days where I am all Clara’s. No matter how much my mind might resist, no matter how badly I want to wander off and do something else, it means I will stay. Right here, right now, with my beautiful 3 1/2 year old in all her glory.

And, without further ado, I am off to do exactly that.

“My private measure of success is daily. If this were to be the last day of my life would I be content with it? To live in a harmonious balance of commitments and pleasures is what I strive for.” -Jane Rule 

Here I am. Whew. It’s Saturday afternoon of the Solstice. Its been a busy week here and summer has officially arrived here in Rome. It’s hot and sticky and decidedly un-airconditioned in many, many places. The result? That heavy, tired, hot feeling that just sort of lands on skin like a blanket that needs to be washed off. The kind of heat that slows everything to a crawl…

Not that I’m complaining. I am happy. I am delighted to be working again. Delighted and filled with gratitude for the opportunity to feel productive and useful in an adult sort of way. I feel like a kid in a candy store- so many projects, so little time!! I haven’t felt this energized in I can’t remember how long!

All of that being said, I am feeling challenged (in a peaceful, pleased sort of way) to strike the proper balance. You know how it is. You add something new to your life (a new pet, a new baby, a new job, a new commitment) and there is a natural rearranging that must take place to achieve balance. I am seeking that. Honestly, I feel like I went from having almost nothing to do to having a lot of commitments in a very short period of time.

It occurs to me that searching out balance is, in many ways, like surfing. There is no stasis- we are always adjusting our stance to the circumstances when we are riding a wave, or we are riding our board out, resting, or (hopefully not too much) wiping out! Life, just like surfing, is never about standing still or achieving a perfect place of stillness. I find that comforting. There is never a perfect end point. Every day brings different circumstances, everything is always changing and fluxing and shifting.  Our job is to respond, gracefully, and stay up on the board, so to speak.

As you celebrate the long, warm days of summer, take a moment to reflect on your own measures of success, the balance of commitments and pleasures in your life- how they shift and change, how you respond day by day… appreciate what you do well, adjust as necessary. Happy Solstice!

According to my Mother, I did not want to come out of the womb. She was in labor with me for three days. Three days, Yoginis. Unheard of these days, for sure. Of course, in the end, the task was completed. I was born, but I emerged (again, according to my Mother) screaming. No need for a slap on the butt (is that even done anymore?) I was pissed off to have my warm cocoon taken away.

Fast forward to college, which is the first time I really have a recollection of feeling like there might be a pattern at work here… it took me a really. really. really. long time to finish college. In the end, one semester left, I almost took a full-time job and blew it all off. Again, in the end, with much nail biting and uncertainty whether there would actually be a diploma in the leather case when I “walked” the ceremony (let’s just say I had a rough go of it at the end), I graduated.

Not too many years after that, I went back to school to get some additional coursework in accounting so I could become a CPA. I finished the coursework while working full-time, which almost did me in, but then? Well, we all know about my unbelievable dragging of feet with putting the CPA exam behind me, don’t we (for those who don’t, it took me eight very long years)? Again, mission accomplished, but on a timetable that might be unimaginable to anyone else.

Before the CPA exam? There was Clara’s birth at home. Again, labor progressed nicely and then pushing? FIVE HOURS. Yes, I said FIVE. Obviously, I eventually pushed the little sweetie pie out, but boy, it was a long haul there at the end…

Anyone else noticing a little bit of a pattern here? These are just the things that stand out, I’m certain there are many, many more small examples of this pattern at work in my life. In fact, I recently realized that this also holds true emotionally…

As I’ve mentioned, I’m finally feeling happy again. Happy, people. Out of that vague, underwater feeling I’ve had since we left Colorado. Sure, I had moments of content, even moments of happy, but I feel like I’m back to my old self. As I reflect over the last year, I am puzzled and mystified. What was the big deal? I made this all much harder for myself than necessary. Truly I did.

My friends and neighbors in Colorado can tell you, I was gung-ho about the transition to Rome- until the transition started. Then it hit me hard and my mind went to work. Not to downplay the grief- it was real. Not to downplay being sick- it too, is very real. But the suffering? The word that comes to mind here is resistance. And beyond that? Fear of the unknown. And maybe even beyond that? Cosmic stubbornness. And truthfully, I knew that so much of this was something so deeply ingrained, I would tell Erick that intellectually I knew I was making it harder, dragging out the suffering, but I seemed powerless to stop it.

Just as I couldn’t have pushed Clara out any sooner or passed the CPA exam or anything. It just had a course to run. But is that really true? I don’t have a pithy, wise answer to this question. Our family will certainly live through more transitions. Ironically enough, I think I will be heartbroken (again) when we leave here, which is why I am so curious about this pattern that weaves together the different chapters of my life.

How we face our patterns defines us and makes us the person we are. I believe that, I really do. But can we get past them? Is it possible? Can we make friends with these seemingly karmic lessons and learn what we need to learn and move on?

I’ll let you know if I find out. You do the same for me, okay?

I love the word cultivate. Maybe because as a little girl, we would cultivate our garden every year: till the soil, sew the seeds, water the rows… as those of you who grow gardens know, you do the work you need to do and hope and pray that circumstance is on your side.

Just last week I joined an online Buddhist study group, Open Circle through Wildmind, one of my very favorite online (very practical, down-to-earth) Buddhist resources. The Open Circle group is studying the book,

Buddhism: Tools for Living Your Life

, which so far, is a fantastic book. I’m having to hold myself back from “reading ahead” of the assigned reading!

One of the first things that struck me about the book (besides the cover- which really appeals to me) was the use of the word cultivation. Cultivating the qualities that you wish for yourself, cultivating the life that you want to have- which includes responding skillfully to circumstances beyond your control.

I need this so badly. I want this so much.

To be frank, I have a love/hate relationship with Rome. I am having a difficult time reconciling myself with the things I dislike and, due to my terrible language skills, there is very little chance that I will ever feel “integrated” into the culture here. I often feel isolated, and I am frustrated with my dependence on my husband’s fluent Italian. I am acutely aware of my ongoing grief related to leaving “home” in Colorado: my friends, Clara’s friends, our home, our community. Intellectually I “get” that this is such an amazing opportunity, but my heart hasn’t gotten the memo. My heart wants to go home and get a double tall Americano in a to-go cup to carry around with me all morning while I chat with friends and Clara plays on the playground with her little friends.

Don’t get me wrong. On weekends, when we are busy exploring the city or we go out of the city (even better), I love being here. No country does countryside and small villages like Italy. I love being able to walk everywhere, the food is to die for. I love the density of people and the energy of the city. I adore living a block off of Villa Ada, one of Rome’s largest green spaces. I like entertaining people, I like getting to experience the intersection of different cultures through my husband’s position. There is a very interesting community of American folks here, so I can make friends. I love our gorgeous apartment with the tall, sunny windows. I see the good things, I do, I really, really do.

This is the thing. Erick’s job will, at least for the near-term, mean living a transient life. This means that circumstance dictates where we will live. We really have little control over this. The only thing I have control over is my response. The mind that I cultivate in reaction to this ever-changing landscape of homes, schools, jobs and cultures. It seems like precious little to be in charge of, but then again, it seems like everything. Cultivating my own heart and mind to be filled with openness and wonder, energy and curiosity, love and kindness- a heart big enough to love many different places and people and a mind spacious enough to accept impermanence. An ability to appreciate what is here right now, instead of clinging desperately to a place in the past that feels more like home that the present moment.

Because the irony is, when we finally go back to Colorado, I will miss things about Rome and all the other places that we will have lived. And Colorado will not be the same place, nor will we be the same people. It will be just like showing up in a new place all over, except some of the faces might be familiar. At least I hope so.

As Spring arrives in your corner of the world, it’s a natural time to think about cultivation. What habits are you strengthening through your actions and thoughts? Are you moving in the direction that you wish to be moving in? The beauty of thinking in terms of cultivation is that it implies that we can all change if we do the work. We can water the seeds, pull the weeds, and nuture the seedlings. This is a great gift- the gift of choice. I am honored to have choices. May we all cultivate our lives wisely…

If you are interested in Open Circle, registration is ongoing. As the group grows, it will split into multiple groups. The facilitator is a fellow Mom-Blogger, Shrijnana. She asks really terrific questions and is very engaged with the group. I feel so fortunate to have found this group at this time in my life.

Even after years of practicing Yoga, I am skilled at the art of ignoring my body. Which is evidenced by my shoulder injury recently while practicing. This is also evidenced by my recent and amazing binge of all things pizza and dessert, which has led me back into a health crisis. Seriously.

I had a follow-up endoscope on Friday, so the doctors could see how the opening between my bile duct and duodenum is healing up. Well, it’s not. It is still very inflammed and I’m still experiencing intermittent pain. To add to the love, I have an ulcer in my stomach. You see, my body can yell and scream and I will whistle and cover my ears (and keep drinking coffee with pastries).

Again, my dear body is working so hard to teach me how to best live fully. In order to actually be in this moment, I have to be willing to listen and respond to what I hear. It requires a level of honesty, surrender, and respect (for myself) that is unprecedented for me. The only thing that helps diminish the pain I experience is being extremely careful with what I put in my body (which I am decidedly opposed to). I am working with a nutritional counselor as well as listening closely to what my body is saying.

And it’s working. Now that I’ve been eating nothing but whole foods and no coffee for a week and a half, I feel a lot better. The tests don’t line up with that (obviously), but they will. I believe in my body’s ability to heal itself. Some days it’s hard to muster up enough love for myself to continue with this, but I have motivation outside of my own self, thank goodness: Erick and Clara. I have found myself over the last year, increasingly distracted by pain or alternatively, eating pastries and drinking lots of coffee. Of course there has been some Yoga thrown in, but my inner experience has been this crazy pendulum: pain —– comfort self with food ——— pain ——-comfort self with food. There hasn’t been an abundance of emotional energy for Clara or Erick.

So, for now, I am gluten, dairy, soy, and coffee free. By freeing myself from these yummy, delicious things, I am (relatively) free from pain. I am also learning to drop into the discomfort in my body instead of trying to wiggle away from it. I am learning to surrender and breathe and let the pain tell me it’s story. The irony is that the more I learn to stay with the discomfort, the lesser it becomes. The more I learn to stay with my body, the more I am able to stay with Clara and Erick. I feel more awake to my life than I have since we left Colorado.

May you be well. May you all be skilled in the art of listening to the lessons in your lives. May you find yourself awake and filled with boundless gratitude for your gifts.