Everyday Yogini

Our bodies are faithful guides that are always giving us clues about the direction we are taking in life.  Unfortunately, since our bodies don’t communicate in words, it’s easy to miss the message in our very thought-centric society.  In Yoga class, I am often telling students to listen to their bodies.  This is more than just instruction for any physical activity, but an imperative skill that translates into living a better life. 

For instance, back in the day, when I was working in corporate accounting, I would often try to get up and practice Yoga prior to work.  I found that I often couldn’t rouse myself for that activity and, when I did, I always had a horrible, horrible day – I would feel tired and heavy, as well as VERY cranky.  At the time, I attributed it to not getting enough sleep and thought to myself, “Wow, morning Yoga and work just don’t mix, so, I will shift my Yoga practice to after work instead…” 

Complete insanity, don’t you think??

This time period popped into my head the other day and I laughed out loud – my body was sending me very clear signals that my job in accounting was the WRONG place for me.  I was able to ignore my body signals on days that I practiced Yoga after work, but on the days that I was actually present in my body before work through my Yoga practice, my body was sending a loud and resounding, “NO” to me about my career at that time.  Today, I am MUCH better at hearing the wisdom of my body barometer - I know what my body’s “yes” and “no” both feel like in my body, and I listen up and act accordingly.

The point is, that in all cases, if you follow your body barometer by moving away from activities, places, and people that your body barometer says, “No” to, and move toward activities, places, and people that your body reacts in a resounding, “Yes” to, you will find your life moving effortlessly in a positive direction.  Now, whether your social conditioning will happily go along for the ride is another story altogether!!  

What does it feel like in your body when you are engaged in something or with someone that is clearly not for you?  How about something or someone that clearly makes you happy??  Are there times that you experience these sensations in your body and ignore them? Why? Tell me about your body barometer in the comments. 

If I could give you any gift in the world, it would be the gift of mindfulness.

Trying to avoid thoughts and feelings is a useless endeavor that most of us spend a LOT of our life energy on.  It is impossible to live a gratifying, happy life that is in line with our deepest desires when we are focused so intently on pushing away perceived negative thoughts and feelings.  

This past year, as I was teaching mindfulness to a Yoga class, after we had sat in meditation for a half an hour, someone asked the question, “So is the point to have no thoughts??”  For me, and for most people I know, this is simply NOT POSSIBLE.  What IS possible is stepping back from our thoughts and emotions and simply watching them, seeing thoughts and feelings as a part of our experience without making our whole life about avoiding them or wallowing in them.  

So, what’s the point of mindfulness if it doesn’t make ”it” (insert your own) go away??  Mindfulness is not a way to stop you from feeling or thinking. However, it does provide a way to live without extra struggle, fundamentally changing your relationship with painful thoughts and feelings in such a way that they’re no longer a problem.

By incorporating a practice of “doing nothing” for 10 - 15 minutes per day, we learn a valuable lesson.   Noticing our thoughts come and go, like clouds across a blue sky, the obvious question is, “Who is watching my thoughts?”  Well, YOU are - the deepest, wisest, most perfect part of you.  That core of wisdom that has every answer you will ever need to live exactly the life you are meant to live.  By learning to step back from the thinking mind, we are given the gift of ourselves. 

By accessing this part of ourselves, we make choices that move us towards our highest purpose and true happiness. What could be more important than that?

The benefits far exceed the investment of your time - to read more, Psychology Today has an excellent article on the science behind the benefits of meditation.

If you don’t have a practice now, but would like to get started, Audiodharma has a great (free) introductory series of talks on meditation. If that doesn’t appeal to you, just do nothing. Seriously. Sit down, with you and yourself for 10 - 15 minutes every day. Bring your attention to the rising and the falling of the breath and, as thoughts come up, just watch them - maybe even label them, “thinking”, and go back to the breath. Over and over, for 10 minutes, return to the breath. When you find that you have become lost in your thoughts (you will), kindly return to the breath.

For those of you who do you have a daily practice of doing nothing (aka: mindfulness), how has it impacted the way you live your life? Tell me in the comments.

It’s been a while since I’ve written a gatha, and in fact, this isn’t a new one. I’ve been going back through my idea books (notebooks that I keep with my ideas for just about everything) and culling the ideas that are still exciting and fresh. I came across this gatha, and oddly enough, I never published it here.

May anyone who is starting something new find comfort and calm - I often find that the energy of change makes me feel a bit impatient and frantic. This gatha has calmed me down considerably over the last few days…

When embarking on any long journey,
I vow with all Beings,
To enjoy where I am in this moment,
And travel one step at a time.

Thank you so much for your feedback on naming my coaching practice!  I am still rolling over the name aspect in my mind and I will let you all know when I have decided.  But for now, back to our regularly scheduled programming…

Me?  Impatient?  Come on…. hurry up!

Impatience is completely different from Art Boxes and Brushes.  Those types of situations are discrete and fixable in one sweet moment of clarity, whereas being impatient and a bit obsessed with being on time (in a country of perpetual lateness) is a condition of the mind.  Please don’t leave with the impression that this is a one time situation for my family that is now FIXED- this happens ALL THE TIME in some form or fashion.  The only difference is that I am learning, slowly, to be not quite so insane after this particular morning that I am about to share with you.  

Mornings can be rough at our house.  Depending on what time Clara wakes up, we are either a. rushed or b. super rushed.  From the Moms I’ve talked with, this is pretty typical.  And not fun for anyone.  

On the particular morning I have in mind, which was like any other, Clara and I were running on time, which felt late to me (as is usual). Clara was, in four year old fashion, dawdling while she got dressed and ready for the day, finally, putting her shoes on very sloooowwwwwlllllyyyy. It was all I could do not to put the darn shoes on her myself, but, I was still very much keeping my cool. As we made our way out the door, I was now feeling late with a capital “L”. Clara decided that is was a good morning to take the stairs on her bottom, which is a fun, but very, very slow (and annoying for me) way for her to go downstairs.

In an effort to get Clara to move faster, I barked (that really is what I did, as much as it makes me cringe) at her to stand up and walk down the stairs, emphasizing that we ARE LATE and MUST GO QUICKLY, RIGHT THIS INSTANT. Which of course, brought Clara to tears. Do you know what this meant?? If you are a parent, I am going to just assume that this has happened to you, too.

Well, it meant that then I was sitting on the stairs with my daughter dissolving in my lap, comforting a very upset little girl. Great. Now? We really WERE going to be late. Irony at it’s best.

In that moment, through my impatience and my irritation I saw so clearly that had I just let her go down the stairs on her bottom, we would already be in the car. I took a deep breath, relaxed my shoulders and assessed the situation. The sad fact is that we were NOT late by anyone else’s standards but mine, indeed, we were early for her school time. This need of mine to be on time is largely manufactured. I am fortunate enough to have a fairly flexible job - if I’m a few minutes late, it’s okay. Being on time makes me feel good, but at what expense? On this particular morning, it was clear that the expense was far too high.

After comforting my daughter and assuring her that everything was okay and apologizing for being grumpy with her, she began to walk very quickly down the stairs, saying to me, “Mommy, hurry! We are late for school…” Which I found sort of funny and sort of heart-breaking, in a jumbled up sort of way. I DO want Clara to value other’s time by arriving when she is supposed to. I DON’T want Clara to feel like she has to rush everywhere. This is not clear-cut, this is about balance and taking a relaxed attitude and knowing WHEN it’s important to rush and when it’s not.

Since this particular morning, our routine seems to have become calmer. I am consciously relaxing into the rhythm of our morning and breathing more deeply. I am working on staying curious in the morning, when I start to feel my belly tighten and my brain get wound up about being late. By asking the following questions, I can get the bird’s eye view instead of being caught in the brush of my busy thoughts:

Why do I feel impatient? Why is being early so important? What can I do to feel okay and still let Clara be Clara?

And, to round out the work I do with my thoughts, I have changed some of my actions to support a smoother morning. After giving it some thought, I now get up a bit earlier so I feel more present for Clara when she wakes up. I don’t check email in the morning any longer. I let Clara watch cartoons while she eats breakfast and I finish getting ready. So sue me. She loves the Italian cartoons - it’s language skills, people!

In any case, Clara IS my Zen teacher. By staying curious and open, we have the enormous gift of learning to be better versions of ourself through our relationship with our kids. Are there other situations with your kids where you find yourself tense that there might be a hidden zen lesson? Tell us in the comments…

And, happy coincidence, the first post in this series, about the Art Box incident has been published on Mothersource a resource for parents and families. You can access the article here. Thank you so much to Savannah for choosing my story!!