Everyday Yogini

“Our children, from infancy to adulthood and beyond, can be seen as perpetually challenging live-in teachers, who provide us with ceaseless opportunities to do the inner work of understanding who we are and who they are.”  Jon Kabat Zinn

I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to call children teachers.  I can say, without a doubt, that having Clara has definitely schooled me, illuminating the myriad ways that I am internally broken, and how many dark, cobweb-y habits and beliefs I have to work on.  Since being a parent puts all these not-so-great things about me under a spotlight for my personal enjoyment (and work), I often have moments that remind me of the V8 commercials of my childhood, with the forehead slapping “Aha” moment.  In this series I will share three recent incidents that highlight a very common way in which I learn and change and become better version of myself:  being fully present in the moment (which, will be obvious from my story, is NOT often enough!)  

The Art Box

About a year ago, I decided to put together a special “art box” for Clara.  In this box was safety scissors, crayons, a small pad of paper and some star stickers.  Just an assortment of things that she could pull out and play with, unsupervised.  Things that all children love, and things I remember really liking as a child.  

I noticed about a month ago (a year after the fact) that she never, ever used her box.  We were in the kitchen, where she was gleefully helping me make dinner by dumping water from one container to the other.  I was thinking about the things IN the art box, when I realized that Clara had never really used crayons - not even as a smaller child.  So, I turn to Clara and I ask, “Clara?  Do you like drawing with crayons?”

In my adult-ness, I think this is an easy question and one she will be happy to answer, but she looks at me with panic-stricken eyes.  I say in response to this face, “Sweetie, I want you to LOVE all the things in your artbox - it’s YOURS and should have in it all the things you want to do art with!”  She looked at me for a long moment and after that pregnant pause, it dawns on me fully.  I asked her, point blank, “Clara, you don’t like crayons, do you?”  She looked at me with immense relief and said, “No, Mommy.  I DO NOT like crayons.  I like colored pens best!”  

I’m fairly certain that you are not sensing that you could have knocked me over with a feather in that moment- WHY didn’t she just tell me?  WHAT did she possibly think would have happened? And then, I looked at my own lack of awareness.  I was shocked that I had waited so long to ask such a simple question about my daughter’s preferences!   

We spent that afternoon putting all the crayons away for guests and filling her artbox with things *she* really loves: stamps, craft scissors, glue, and, of course, colored pens.  LOTS of colored pens.  Every single one in the house, in fact.

Need I say that I felt like a complete JERK MOM for NOT recognizing this sooner?  Although she is very verbal and engaging,  relying on her to express her likes and dislikes in that way is asking too much.  She is, after all, only four.  As the saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words.”  And this is equally as true for children, who are, really, just smaller people.  What a shock to really “get” that my daughter is not an extension of myself and my husband (surprise!!).  I loved crayons as a child, my husband was a colored pencil kind of kid (I found out after I asked).  This was a powerful reminder that paying attention and being curious about who she is in this moment is paramount to her well-being and happiness, and my success as a parent.  My assumptions about who she is are not accurate.  Obviously.

My intention going forward is to ask Clara before I decide (through the lens of my own preferences and experiences) what is good for her, knowing that experiencing  compassionate awareness, honesty, and presence from me will shape her ability to honor her internal compass as she gets older.  I am giving up my assumption that I “know” her and what she likes simply because I’ve known her since she was born.  And really, this applies to anyone and everyone in our lives.  The ability to effect change and connect with others happens entirely in this moment, what I like to think of as the creative present.  

What have you learned about yourself from your children?  Tell me in a comment! 

Next up in the series:  Tangles, Brushes, and Combs, Oh My!

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I like to encourage everyone to pursue a home practice, be it Meditation, Yoga, Tai Chi - really, whatever calls to you.  It can be really difficult to make time for a home practice, but, I think an even bigger barrier is the “What-do-I-do-now-that-my-mat-is-rolled-out” barrier.  Even after practicing Yoga for as long as I have, for crying out loud, I have days where I just want to follow a practice designed by someone else! 

So for those of you looking for a (free) full practice of an hour or so, I suggest subscribing to Yoga Today, a really fabulous group of Yoginis that provide free, daily Yoga practices via the internet. If you don’t have time for a full practice, but still want the benefits of practice, they also have a blog with lots of (free) mini-practice sessions. The range of clips they have is astonishing… they even have a practice you can do with your kids! Brilliant!

Even if you can’t find ten minutes to follow along with Yoga Today, I will encourage you with the wisdom of my very first Yoga teacher. She asked us all to pick a pose we really, really liked from class and commit to practicing that one pose every day. To slowly and gently be in the pose, to experience it fully. I was skeptical about ONE posture being a Yoga practice, but, I did it (mainly because I thought the teacher was simply amazing!). Every day, one pose. And, over time, my home practice organically grew to include more postures and also, meditation. But even had it not, one minute spent fully in the body, aware of the breath, can have more impact than an hour-long class where you are mentally checked out. Really.

What is your favorite asana? Can you find time to practice it every day? If not, what is stopping you? Tell me in the comments.

Obviously, I have NOT been blogging.  At all.  I hate to even admit it, but in the last few months, Facebook has simply taken over my virtual life!! I cannot BELIEVE it took me so long to get on board with social networking! In fact, I have fallen so deeply in love with all the cool new stuff that keeps us connected that, at work, I will be teaching a class on social networking (Facebook and other ways to stay connected) in May (among other similar classes). Yes, Yoginis, I have drunk the social media kool aid! And that has kept me busy, busy.

But, you say, blogging is a social media tool as well! Why stop blogging?? (note: deep secret about to be revealed…) Well, when I first got onto Facebook, I linked my blog to my Facebook page (of course!) and my blog posts are announced on my Facebook feed. This is great, right? Exposure is good! Right?? Right????

Frankly, it started weirding me out.

I adore Yoga. It is so much a part of who I am, that it touches and informs every part of my life. However, there are a great number of people that I interact with in the world that I simply have not connected with on that level. Say, people I work with. Or, say, people my husband works with. And I needed some time, I think, to evaluate my comfort level with such a disparate audience having access to what, in many cases, amounts to some very personal, tender places in me. I have nothing to hide, and yet, I suppose on some level, I still feel that maybe “normal” people might find my spiritual, introspective bent odd and judge me for it. On the other hand, if I were to take a more positive (confident) view, I would be delighted that more people in my life would be exposed to Yoga, know more about who I am, and, perhaps, something I write might be of help to them in their own lives at some juncture.

On other, more mundane matters, for those of you who have not drunk the Facebook kool aid, Clara is growing up so fast and, I can say without a doubt that four is the best age EVER! She is funny, curious, independent, opinionated, lively… just fully and completely herself. I read a blog post recently (and I’m ashamed to say I don’t remember where, so if you wrote it, please leave a comment and take your credit!!) about a father who kept a daily journal the year each of his kids were four with quotes, observations, and experiences. This woman had been the recipient of the book from her father and she loved it so much, she decided to do the same for her children. I IMMEDIATELY began a journal for Clara, because, every single day she says or does something that is so amazing and magical that I realized that I had to capture this for her. 

Rome has re-entered my graces after a really challenging winter by providing sunshine, blooming trees, and singing birds for Spring. It’s about time. Seriously.

Finally, my wonderful Friday morning Yoga and meditation class is an absolute treasure! We are currently working with Metta Bhavana (Loving-kindness) meditation and, well, I am certainly having a lot of personal insights!! We practiced for two weeks directing metta ONLY to ourselves and, well, I will be writing more about that later- because for me, it was simply incredible! I have not practiced intensely with metta meditation since Clara was a little baby (I would practice metta every time she nursed, so, uh, I was meditating. A lot.) so it has been very powerful for me to practice this concentration meditation technique again.

And now, Yoginis, Clara and I must prepare for an Easter Egg hunt today. I have vegan cupcakes to frost, so my dear, sweet, girl can have a yummy, egg-free treat during the festivities.

I will leave you with a Spring gatha:

When the blossoms are showy and pink,
I vow with all beings,
To delight in Springtime’s abundance,
All the sweeter after winter’s deep sleep.