Everyday Yogini

To bring you Obama’s amazing acceptance speech. Please oh please, if you haven’t seen it, go watch it. I’m still crying. I am filled with hope for the state of our nation…

Okay, now, I’m really going on vacation.

There is a whole industry here in Alps and the Dolomites that focuses on family vacations.  Yes, I know we have disneyland and such, but this is family vacation like you’ve never seen family vacation…  

From what I understand, as this is our first time going to a Kinderhotel, these places are mountain resorts that have everything you might need: activities that run the gamut from hiking to horseback riding, spa services, and fine, all-inclusive, organic dining. This is all combined with the ever-present Italian idea of “mini-club”- in other words, a place for the kids to go and be entertained while you I go get a massage and sit in the Turkish Bath and Erick rides his road bike all over the Alps.

Most exciting to me, is the dining situation. There is a main dining area and then off the dining room, there is a playroom/dining area for the children. Now, what I *think* this means is that Erick and I? We might get to have an uninterrupted conversation at dinner. This sounds almost too good to be true, but I’m excited to find out!

So, Yoginis, I will be back with you September 8th. Arrivaderci! Photos and video to come…

How I wish I were going to say to you all, “I’m healed!  Pain free, and I’m here to tell you my amazing secrets of healing…” Nope.  Not this post.  But, I haven’t posted for a while about my ongoing saga with daily pain, so I thought today would be a good day. 

To be quite honest, I don’t really like to dwell on it. It just is what it is, but, I feel compelled to write about it when I have big leaps in my understanding of why I’m on this path. And over the last few weeks, this is just what has happened.

It started with me being a bit malcontent with my weight. I haven’t gone above what, for me, has been an ideal weight for years. 135, to be precise. This was my weight in high school and it is the weight I strove for, post-Clara. However, last year, when I was feeling quite a bit worse than I do now, I lost an additional ten pounds. Slowly, I gained it back over the last six to seven months, post-procedure. Which is a good thing, right? To feel like eating normally?? Yes, this IS a good thing, unless you are an emotional eater (like me) who also likes to eat VOLUME. I like to eat LOTS of food. And when I was running 35 miles a week, it didn’t matter, but now? My body isn’t so hip on pounding pavement for 35 miles a week, so I needed to find another way. And I knew it was not going to involve a diet. I have come to a point in my life where dieting just isn’t appealing. I would rather fix the cause, not the effect.

You might ask, “Well, if you are at your supposed goal weight, then what’s the problem??” There isn’t a problem, per se, but I knew that there was going to be a problem if I kept going with the current eating extravaganza!

So, seriously, I don’t even know what led me to look on Martha Beck’s website. (You know, Oprah’s favorite life coach?) I have a deep love, hate relationship with Oprah, and typically avoid her experts. But, for whatever reason, I’m looking around and I find this telecourse that I can just download and I compulsively purchase it.

This was $45.00 well spent for me, Yoginis.

This amazing coach, Brooke Castillo just SPEAKS to me. I’ve heard it a million times, “Eat when you are hungry, stop when you are satisfied”. I’ve even had periods of time where I did this- normally in conjunction with a diet or, most recently, this illness. This woman is a certified Martha Beck coach, but she also draws on Pema Chodron (one of my favorites) and then, another name that I typically avoid, Byron Katie of “The Work”fame. But, dammit all, after listening to the tele-course and just feeling like I had been given some very good news, I went to check out Byron Katie’s website and dusted off my copy of Loving What Is, which I bought about 10 years ago and it didn’t really do much for me at that time. Well, this time? It really made a lot of sense.

Maybe doing Yoga for so long, maybe having a mystery, ongoing, low-level illness has opened my mind enough to slow down and be willing to watch my thoughts. And it is fascinating stuff. In any case, I am starting to work with this, too, and feeling cleaner, emotionally, than I have in a long time. But actually, I’m veering off course here. Well, a little.

So, things are clicking together: the Brooke Castillo tele-course solidifies, and gives some form to, eating with awareness and mindfulness. I love it. It feels good, it feels right and it feels, most importantly, very healing. Because, when I’m only eating when I’m hungry, and stopping when satisfied, I am naturally eating 5-6 smaller meals a day, which is easier on the ol’ digestion. And, doing Byron Katie’s method is helping me to process the thoughts that fuel my desire to eat an entire plate of brownies if they are within the walls of my home. And I KNOW that if I’m eating in the fashion that Brooke talks about? My body is going to land wherever I should be, which may be 135 or some other weight. My body gets to decide- not my brain.

So, here I am, feeling great about the food I’m putting in my body and feeling emotionally clean and then, I start wondering, “Do I really need to be on Prilosec (daily) in perpetuity?” I recently read an article about how these types of drugs aren’t the greatest thing for our health long-term, and I’ve always known I wanted to get off of them, soooo, let’s try! It’s easy to go back on if need be. My suspicion is that eating smaller meals, focusing on fueling my body, will keep the need for Prilosec at bay, combined with the other stuff I’ve been incorporating into my healing, self-care program.

Speaking of self-care. I am still practicing Yoga, to some degree or another, every day - of course. However, it has changed slightly. Remember when I mentioned that I have been teaching myself Qi Gong? Well, the 100 day course ended up being way too time-intensive for this householder, and I ended up buying Qi Gong for Cleaning, a quick routine that is 10 minutes once you learn it. Every morning, I practice my 10 minute routine, and it feels wonderful. The ideas that I took away from the longer QiGong course that I incorporate into my Yoga practice are: visualizing the health of the organs and also the energy moving through the body, synchronizing the breath with movement, and visualizing during movement- which I use not only during Yoga, but when I’m walking and jogging. None of this is new to me, but my Yoga has slowed considerably and I focus a lot more on deep, abdominal breathing as I move through the postures. I will be talking more about this in later posts…

In all earnestness, I can say that without this ongoing saga of physical pain, I would have missed out. I have had so many amazing opportunities to challenge my idea of who I am, what I believe, and what I am capable of because of this illness. I am learning that I am not my pain, or my thoughts, or even my body- revolutionary! Not only that, but I’m learning how to take care of this body that supports me tirelessly, shedding the dysfunctional ways that I’ve used in the past to disappear.

The only way I can possibly sum up what I have learned to date, is that every irritation, every challenge, every single thing that we think we cannot possibly deal with for one more second- is a precious gift from life, waiting to be opened, waiting to open us to who we are meant to be, taking us down the roads we are really, honestly meant to be on. Perhaps some people are born into this state of grace, but at least for me, without my heartaches, illnesses, and challenges, I would just plod along through life, dumb and (un)happy. In time, I hope to be smart enough to not need the Universe’s “pain” calling card to become more of who I am.

A Yogini can dream, can’t she??

While the pony pile grows wider and higher,
I vow with all Beings,
To honor my daughter’s first passion,
Embrace the wonder of life through her eyes.    

I bought a set of these awesome reusable mesh produce bags for myself from Etsy’s AMK Designs, and you can betcha I will be purchasing these as gifts for folks at Christmas!Aren’t they great??

One of my personal values is purchasing ecologically safe items for our family.  This has definitely become more important to me over the last few years, as awareness of our global climate crisis has increased.  As I mentioned in a prior post, this Christmas, I intend to either make or buy hand-made gifts, or, if I can’t do that, purchase eco-friendly items. 

Yesterday, I bought one of Clara’s birthday gifts, and quite honestly, I was tempted to order one for myself.  You all tell me in the comments if you think I could pull off a personalized super-hero cape from Plum Pear Apple. I cannot WAIT to see the final product, and I will be giddy with anticipation as I wait for Clara’s birthday to pull this bad-boy out and give it to her!

Staying home with Clara this week I am noticing the broken-down, sad nature of her craft stuff. Thank goodness for Ideal Bite’s daily email tip today with a link to Eco Art Works! How excited am I to order a few supplies for now and a few for birthday and Christmas?? How about some of these and these? And what about cooperative board games like these>? They look fun, don’t they??

Okay, I’m off for more playtime with Clara, who, today, is a fairy. Like Tinkerbell. But pink. Naturally.

Is there any day that is “typical” when you have a child? As I have been thinking about Half Pint Pixie’s blog carnival, I have been up in the air on what to write. We are very into routines around here, but it seems they change quite often- at least lately. HPP also indicated that a day in my life might be a bit exotic, since we are in Rome. In relationship to mothering, I think our lives are quite normal, really. We have our daily routines, Clara has playdates, this summer, we’ve gone swimming- a lot- I might add, we have a zoo membership, she watches movies, we eat, etc. Our day as a family is not at all something like, “Oh, our daily picnic at the pantheon was rained out, bummer, I guess we’ll go to the Colosseum…” In fact, we haven’t even SEEN the pantheon. Living here is so weird.

From an American perspective, I think what is unusual and exotic about Clara’s days, is the internationality of it all. Her babysitter from Ghana, her nanny from Finland, her Italian nursery school, her soon-to-be British school, our Pakistani domestic. At least a few times a month, we have people in our home from different countries, different cultures. Our home is a sea of tranquil calm most of the time (which suits all of us) but then we have these interesting international gatherings that Clara sees and experiences and participates in.

Our life here is also punctuated by travel, but that isn’t so unusual either, is it? We just happen to be traveling in one of the most sought-after destinations in the world. In fact, next week, we will be taking a vacation to the northern part of Italy to stay in a kinderhotel. (More to come on that….)

There are certainly differences in how parenting plays out here when we are out and about (for instance, don’t even try to find a playground that’s decent- by American standards- in Rome), but, for the most part, my days resemble any other family’s day: getting up, making breakfast, being where we need to be in the morning, activities planned, friends met, sharing facilitated with said friends, meltdowns, craft-projects, teaching moments, snuggles, bath time, messes, cleaning up, etc. Our most important time as a family is dinner time, and we eat together most nights, unless Erick simply can’t make that happen.

My greatest, on-going, daily challenge with this parenting gig is being present and mindful to what is in front of me- especially when that is Clara. As a child and an adult, I remember craving my Mother’s full attention and never feeling like I had it. It was so frustrating and eventually, I just gave up. My relationship with my Mom is not very close, and I’m sad about that, but I hate being disappointed all the time, so now? Well, it just is what it is.

Lately, I sense this is the same thing that is happening with Clara and I, much to my horror. Her needs just feel so demanding and relentless that I shut down, try and escape from it, which makes her demands that much louder. As I’ve reflected on this, I know what I need to do- I need to lean into it, feel my edges, give in to her needs. Maybe just small increments of time, but still, give her what she wants most. My full, attention on who she is in this very moment.

So, a typical day here is not so much different than it would be if I were back in the United States- Clara is my greatest teacher and, with some luck and some grit, she will learn some things from me, too. Outside of routines and all the machinations of being a parent, it’s about raising a happy adult and, for me, building a lifetime relationship that will sustain all of us through the years. Right now, that means adding conscientious time to our days where I am all Clara’s. No matter how much my mind might resist, no matter how badly I want to wander off and do something else, it means I will stay. Right here, right now, with my beautiful 3 1/2 year old in all her glory.

And, without further ado, I am off to do exactly that.

One of my favorite Yoginis, Kimberly Wilson, posted this lovely poem by the late Audrey Hepburn. I had never read this, but it is just delightful and worth putting in the archives, “Words of Wisdom”.

I believe in pink
i believe that laughing
is the best calorie burner
i believe in kissing,
kissing alot.
i believe in being strong when
everything seems to be going wrong.
i believe that happy girls are the
prettiest girls.
i believe that tomorrow is another day
and i believe in
miracles.

Thank goodness for crafty friends.  Although I aspire to be crafty, I’m a bit lacking.  My friend Gretchen is amazing.  Have you seen her Etsy Store? On a number of occasions, I have emailed her and said, “I need something sort of like this, with a bit of that… do you think you could come up with something?”

And she does.

Evidence #1: The little black cocktail bag

I have a really cute, retro, clutch that I take to cocktail parties, but I wanted an alternative AND, most important, something I could hook on a finger so I can hold my water glass at the same time I’m shaking hands. You can’t imagine how important this is!

So I was chatting with Gretchen and presented her with this problem. Told her I wanted something small, black, felted, and with an art-deco-ish feel. CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW GOOD SHE IS??? I love this little purse so much! It is perfect. Absolutely, 100% perfect.

Evidence #2: The Nature Bowl

Taking inspiration from Soule Mama, I asked Gretchen if she could make me a nature bowl. A place where we could hold all of our seasonal treasures on the dining table, so we could see them, touch them, interact with them…

I am beyond pleased with this bowl- the tiny bowls add an extra dimension of wonder to this set up. Clara is loving switching out what goes into the little bowls. When we are out and about, she looks for things that can place in her little bowls.

Isn’t Gretchen amazing?? I *heart* all things made by hand, with care- especially when those things come from those I love. Thanks Gretchen! I am so inspired by her inspiration, I am going to do most of my holiday shopping on Etsy, or (gasp), make it myself. Wish me luck, and today I leave you with another picture of the nature bowl. Isn’t it perfect?

I adore Italian hilltop towns.  And we’ve been to many.  But this last weekend, over the Ferragosto holiday we visited a tiny hilltop town just north of Rome. We drove just over an hour and I swear it was like being in a different country altogether. (This is always a surprise to me when we leave Rome- how quickly it turns rural and quaint.)

Cantalice is built, quite literally, into the side of a mountain. With a staircase that spans the city top to bottom, there are no panoramic views for the faint of heart. A dramatic and beautiful city. I particularly liked the homes that were literally mid-way up the staircase, built into the side of the mountain itself…

How did we find this little gem, you might ask? Erick recently joined a cycling team here, and, good fortune for us, the rides begin near Cantalice, so some of the members have homes in this amazing little town. We were invited to stay with a family over the holiday- the highest honor an Italian family can bestow on another. Just like the movies, the Nonna (grandma) cooked enough food for an army while Clara talked to her non-stop…

Of course, Erick rode his bike. Clara and I spent Saturday morning walking up and down the city staircase (over 300 hundred stairs, Yoginis), and just soaked up the Italian hospitality. We ate, we napped, we talked, we laughed, we played… Cantalice and it’s residents utterly charmed me. Despite my limited Italian skill, we somehow managed an open invitation for any weekend we can make it up to the mountains.

I can’t wait to go back again, and soon.